Monkey Business

Recently, after telling someone about What’s Shaking Man, they suggested I am, or accused me of being, an “influencer.” My response was my usual mix of sarcasm and dismissive candor, “Do I look like a post-pubescent girl promoting an eyeliner, or an abnormally thin yet muscular young man telling you that to live fully you must jump off a 20-foot ladder into a child’s plastic pool?!” Believe me, if I did any of the stuff influencers told me to do then Parkinson’s would be the least of my worries.

I walked away from this interaction feeling at least two (maybe three…) generations too late to be an influencer, but did what any influencer would have done. I turned to AI, which told me:

“An influencer is a person with a significant and super engaged following on social media or other online channels. Influencers possess expertise, credibility and the ability to influence the opinions, behaviors, and purchasing decisions of their audience, often in a specific niche, such as technology or healthcare.”

Let’s break this down. Forget the first part because this is about me not you. You are great! Do not let some  skinny witch with larger than real assets tell you any different.

Next it says, “influencers possess expertise, credibility.” I do. But only about me and my humorous experiences with Parkinson’s. If you are assigning the role of credible expert when reading this then I must remind you that I am only a slightly older than middle aged man with a neurodegenerative disease…and I am not that funny in real life.

AI continues: “…ability to influence the opinions, behaviors and purchasing decisions…in a specific niche, such as technology or healthcare.” Look, I do not know what “AI” stands for and I am not a medical doctor. Being influenced by me is like being influenced by a chimp. We may look a little alike, but I think eating a banana or throwing my own feces are the answers to everything.