New New Year’s Traditions

I have never really had any New Year’s traditions. Sure, I make resolutions, but I know as soon as I utter them I have no intention of following through. I used to joke that I resolve not to make any resolutions for the new year…some of the best jokes are not jokes at all. I need some new traditions for the new year to help me be a better person. “Auld Lang Syne” makes no sense to me. As Harry tell Sally at the end of the movie, “My whole life I don’t know what this song means…” Watching a ball drop on Times Square seems pointless as does writing a letter to myself with all my hopes and dreams to be opened next New Year’s Eve.

I want a new year with meaning. The world is full of New Year’s traditions. Maybe I can find meaning in traditions from places I have visited. For example, in Greece they hang onions on their doors, and then hit their children on the head with the onion to usher in prosperity. Not only does that seem like a poor way to ward off vampires, it is also a clear attempt to legalize and institutionalize child abuse. Not for me.

Food seems to be a common theme in other cultures’ New Year’s traditions. In Spain it is am custome to eat 12 grapes at midnight. One for each toll of the towns church Bell at midnight. Based on remedial high school math and a little experience, that’s less than two sips of wine total which seems an easier way to get my daily serving of fruit on the first day of the year.

Another food tradition comes from Italy where they eat lentils to welcome the New Year. Lentils look like small coins (really?), and bring wealth and good fortune to the person who eats them. From my experience, lentils also bring something else to the person who consumes them. Something that is known to clear a room, so this may only have meaning if you’re spending New Year’s Eve

For those who enjoy sharing the winter’s chill, Vancouver, Canada, has just the event. Started in 1920, the polar plunge involves groups of people gathering to swim and freezing, lakes and oceans. It’s cold enough to stop balls from dropping in cities like  New York, Florence, and Orlando. Yes, all of these places that have balls that drop on New Year’s Eve. Just not after a polar plunge.

For those who are looking for a more serene New Year’s Japan is the place for you. It seems that it is customary to thoroughly clean your house before midnight. Have they not heard of Spring cleaning? And then they go and welcome the sunrise of the new year. If I’m up all night cleaning the ring around my toilets, then there’s a little chance I’m getting going to be awake to get greet the sun in the morning.

Scotland, the land that gave us “Auld Lang Syne,” has another tradition dating back to the 7th and 8th century when Vikings were invading. Aptly known as “first footing,” they suggest that the first person to step foot in your home in the new year can be the bearer of good luck and prosperity, or can be an omen of despair for the year ahead. They believe a tall, dark hair man, bearing gifts of coins, cookies, wood for a fire and whisky is a goon omen. Women, blonds and redheads are seen as harbingers ill-fate… I could’ve told you that!

This seems like the one for me. I got a penny collection, some snickerdoodles, an old wood pallet to burn and a bottle of Glenlivet 18 year. So give me a call, and I’ll be over right after I make an onion pancake with my kid’s forehead.