Pick Me!
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

Pick Me!

I am not looking for a life partner. I know that will only lead to another alimony payment.

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Hope in a Name
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

Hope in a Name

Before we got to my insurance issues, though, we exchanged stories about how rare the names “Jill” and “Steve” are now compared to their popularity in the 60s when we were born.

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Wet Shaking Man
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

Wet Shaking Man

I knew some kids in school who were dumb as boards. They passed tests by writing answers on the bottom of their shoes, or by copying off other students’ papers. Is that artificial intelligence?

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Asleep or Awake
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

Asleep or Awake

There are plenty of things to worry about leading up to deep brain stimulation (DBS) surgery. Will it hurt? Will it work? What if something goes wrong? Will the government be able to steal my thoughts?

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It’s Not Brain Surgery
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

It’s Not Brain Surgery

It was a huge relief when my surgeon came in. I knew he was old enough that he did not know what a Teletubby was, and Barney was his college roommate’s name.

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Nighttime Practice
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

Nighttime Practice

I think the technicians believe they are doing me a favor when they take body hair when removing the glued on electrodes in the morning. They take so much hair I should get a punch card so I get free hair removal after my tenth study.

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Texas or California: A Love Story
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

Texas or California: A Love Story

If smart lyrics, great harmonies, wicked guitar playing, thumping rhythm section, enthusiastic crowd sing-alongs, and inspired vocals are any indication, then the Old 97s proved they love California the best.

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No Duh
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

No Duh

“…I am allowing people into my circle of support who think they know more about my Parkinson's than I do… As one provider began to apologize for making assumptions about my Parkinson’s, I excused myself to go to the bathroom.”

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Bullseye Monkey
Steven Steinberg Steven Steinberg

Bullseye Monkey

I was not going to handle the merchandise, just look at the size.

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