Pick Me!

I have friends who have used or are using dating apps. Some are searching for soulmates, some for companions, and some are just looking to hook up. What they all have in common is they work really hard at finding dates and work even harder finding honesty in what people write. From time to time I have considered joining one of these apps to search for someone I could spend my life with while being companions and having good sex. One problem though, I am me. I have my shit – Parkinson’s, two divorces, a moderate income (which means dinner’s on me and you are paying for dessert and coffee). And then there’s my personality. Believe me, I’m not as funny in person as I am when I write. I am also a bad liar, but I have been working on my “honest” dating app profile. Let me know what you think:

“My name is Steve and I’m 59 years old.

Looking for…anyone who doesn’t swipe me off their phone after reading this…

You should message me if…you are looking for someone who can’t sit still, falls spontaneously, talks mostly about neurodegenerative diseases, and who may need 24 hour care anytime in the near or distant future.

On the other hand, if you like your martini stirred not shaken, your man’s bowels regular not constipated, your sleep uninterrupted by punches and kicks from your partner, and a man with a job…I am not your man.

I have two adult kids and two ex-wives so I am not looking for a life partner. I know that will only lead to another alimony payment. I guess you could say I am generous and realistic, but others might say I am controlling, opinionated, self-absorbed, and needy.  Pick me!”

not me...