Boundaries
Of course I would run into her at the Boston Scientific display at the World Parkinson’s Congress in Barcelona. After all, she recommended their device to me and is helping me find the right settings for it. So there I was about to ask a sales representative about a longer life for non-rechargeable batteries when I heard, “hey…excuse me…hi”. I turned and there she was, my neurologist/movement disorder specialist.
Several months before, my sister and I had told her about the conference, and how we thought the previous two were fantastic. She said she would look into it. Then, at my last programming session, she said see you in Barcelona, and I left it at that. Well now we stood face-to-face. Remember, I am a trained psychotherapist and we are told never to reach out to a client in public respecting confidentiality. I guess the same is not true of neurologist. She outed me as a patient right off. It is OK though, I would want a therapist to keep deep, rooted insecurities a secret, but I really didn’t care if my neurologist outed me for Parkinson’s. As if the scars on my head were cause for anyone to be surprised that I was under the care of a neurologist.
As we greeted each other, she initiated a hug which I reciprocated. It’s important to know that there is nobody in the world I would like to hug more than her. She has treated me and my PD with respect and professionalism for about 18 months. She recommended DBS. She has talked me through the surgeries, the recovery and the calibration process. She answers emails within 24 hours, but usually the same day. She has changed my life and I love her for it. That said, it was an awkward hug.
First of all as a psychotherapist, I would never hug a client. Distance and objectivity is where change happens, I always say… Not!! (Some in the field actually believe that!). Secondly, that hug came as a surprise so it’s not one of my better ones. So if she’s a hug aficionado, she can only be left with the impression that I am a cold slab of faux marble. Not even real marble. Finally, did we just change how we greet each other in the future? What if next time I see her in her office and I go to give her a hug, and she does not reciprocate. Awkward! What if she goes for it and I don’t reciprocate. Am I just another cold and ungrateful patient? It’s a fine line between having boundaries and being grateful.
After our embrace (she gave my daughter a hug as well), we made small talk about the conference and the city of Barcelona. I distanced myself from telling her about any issues I had from the DBS or my PD. This was not an office visit. She said she wanted to hear the sales representative‘s response to my questions, so I asked if Boston Scientific was working on a longer lasting non-rechargeable battery for DBS. We all leaned in close to hear her reply.
© 2023 Steve Steinberg