Thanksgiving Drama

Many people talk about family drama at the Thanksgiving table. The racist uncle, the drunk mother-in-law, the gay son, and the tree-hugging niece. Families are just waiting for the fireworks to begin. Not my family. We all get along (mostly), drink modestly (except for days that end in “-days”), are inclusive (except those we don’t like), and love trees (except for that messy one in front that drops those red berries that stain my patio).

In recent years we go to my sisters house and have a small but predictable celebration. Turkey, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. Predictable not dramatic. One year, I unknowingly cooked the bird upside down! No big deal, it still cooked through. And one year I bought the wrong soup for the green bean casserole. I guess there’s not much difference between cream of chicken and cream of mushroom condensed soup because no one said a word. Rightly, my family does not let me host Thanksgiving anymore.

This year, my sister is cooking the turkey right side up. I’m sure. I will be making the green bean casserole with the correct soup. I am considering a generic brand of fried onions though. Just kidding! I used generic onions once and everyone said it tasted like I used cream of chicken soup in my casserole. That’s one thing about us. We learn from our mistakes. In 10 more years, we should have the perfect Thanksgiving.

Do not worry about your pending Thanksgiving drama.  You can learn from my experiences. Cream of chicken tastes just like cream of mushroom if you are in a fix, an upside down roasted turkey is still a roasted turkey, never used generic fried onions and a drunk mother-in-law is nothing more than a target for the traditional after-Thanksgiving intervention.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody!